| you're my only hope. had such a bad day that i don't feel like talking about it. but since this blog is DEAD, i'll just post. okay, starting with drama 'o's. i woke up freaking early and thought i was late so i ran down to school only to see that elizabeth wasn't even there. we waited for her for 10 minutes. but that's all right, really. after all, i made them late also that time when we were going to orchard. haha, i was almost half an hour late. drama 'o's were okay, i guess. i felt like sleeping throughout the whole thing when we were doing admin stuff. i was THAT tired. but i woke up when we played games and performed. guess that parts were'nt that boring. =). after that had english tutorial, it wasn't too bad though. it was quite boring. i half-wished that the clock would just move faster. everytime i looked up, it was still at the same number. im joining the pen awards thing. OH GOOD JOY. i handed in shit last year. i gave up on pen awards a long time ago but lizzie wanted me to join so we could go shopping with the money which is the prize. i dont think i'll win anyway. AND NOW'S WHERE THE BAD DAY STARTS. cca just made me want to scream and run home. it wasnt like that but today mrs vijay was in a FOUL mood. she was being all stern at us. we had to do warm-ups over and over again. and we had to do it ALONE too. thank god i did it with lubainah. then during the dance all she didnt scold me or ask me to put my hands higher or anything so i felt safe. i was doing okay except that I DIDNT SMILE. whhhaaaattt?? i think i was too busy looking how my body posture and the way im doing the steps to actually smile. i was concentrating, okay! and to add to that, mrs vijay gave us a long pep talk after that. and she said to me how my older sister improved so bloody hell much and how good she is and how im not like her. then she talked about sac idol and how my sis won the dance and all that shit. i tried to LAUGH, i did. but then all i wanted to do was shout at her and tell her how IM NOT LIKE HER AT ALL. we are total different people! so what if she can dance and im not as good?? its not like i plan to be like her. but what hurt me is that i have to live up to so much expectations and i have to be like my sister. its bad enough that people think i look like her, but to actually BE her? It's crap. i dont want to dance like her, AT ALL. its my problem who i choose to be like. i HATE it when people compare me to her. SERIOUSLY. its not like i hate mrs vijay, i dont hate her at all! i still think that shes the nicest woman on earth but its just that i hate being compared to other people because i have a standard to live up to. i felt like rushing out of the room because everyone expects me to be like my sister. when i got home i had a "fun" time laughing and crying in the toilet. it was stupid but i guess i was in an emotional stage. i was thinking about the past few months, how ive grown, how everything changed my life. then later Mom forced me to clear all my old toys in the storeroom lying there collecting dust. so i did. but it was kinda sad to part with the things i grew up with. they were like part of my past, like my "history". so i ended up throwing most of my Barbies and toys. but i kept most teddies and the stuff i couldnt bare to part with. wouldnt it be cool if my CHILDREN in the future could play with MY OLD TOYS?? haha, hilarious. anyway, on a lighter note, I BOUGHT A NEW HAMSTER! i now have a confidant whom i know can never reveal my secrets because...SHE CANT TALK. yes, its a SHE. but its nice having a pet. i cried my eyes out for days when my other hamsters died. owells, i promise to take better care of my new one. =) current song: ONLY HOPE by mandy moore and other sad and depressing songs. :( book: the butterfly tattoo by philip pullman MELISSA |